Thought of the day . . .

Ferociously Happy Heart Monday, the 27th of November, 2006

Embrace the Ferociously Happy Heart.Open wide the chest, open wide it’s cage!Free the Ferociously Happy Heart.Stand with legs wide, stand with a Warrior’s strength, stand with a Mountain’s solidity.There is NO puzzle of why… just the wonder of what, just the magic of Now!

Ultimately, the cloying slave driver of analysis can NOT be grasped!Take to the skies and fly with the Ferociously Happy Heart!

Do NOT compress the Ferociously Happy Heart.

Do NOT seek to contrive the Ferociously Happy Heart.

It is the reality lurking behind the dream.It is the reality dancing being the dream.It is our true nature!Come, let us increase our capacity for Joy!Come, let us increase our capacity for Strength!Come, let us increase our capacity for Peace!Strength can scurry about the extremities, or return to it’s home, return to our heart.Come, let us live from the Heart.Come, let us live from our Center.

Come, let us live from the Now.Our heart’s happy, solid, peaceful joy; what is it?It is the ultimate nature of sorrow!Yes, there are those who throw spears; spears that can fly deep into our hearts.

Do NOT turn and run.

There is nothing to fear.

Stand firm your ground.

Open wide your heart.

Enlarge your world with compassion’s Prayer…“May all beings now benefit!;Om Mani Padme Hum!”Breath deep and explore, “What are some of the ways there could be NO separate or permanent sadness to grasp?”

Relax deep into sorrow and ponder, “How could this sadness be just a fleeting dream?”Do NOT fight the experience, for that would just be Fear.

Courageously let go into the fullness of THIS moment’s experience.“ Om Man Padme Hum,Re-lax-ing.”There is NO need to violently “Pierce” the “veil of illusion,” when all that is required is to simply, let go.It is folly to chase after contemplative experience like a silly child, running to find the end of a rainbow!

Rather, courageously, stand your ground, embrace the truth of THIS present moment.No, NOT the idealized, ultra blissful “present moment” of escapist fantasy; but THIS authentic present moment, be it gorgeous or grotesque.Feel what you feel and relax!Yes, there are those who rejoice to harm us.But seen through the eyes of enlightened courage they can only make us stronger.

This is NOT false strength that comes from resisting; this is true strength that comes from surrender.From Surrender to a naked awareness of THIS present moment and all it’s conventional Vulgarity… from Surrender to a naked awareness of THIS present moment and all it’s ultimate Beauty!An awareness that is naked, striped bare and free from resistance… free from avoidance, free from retribution, free from retreat, free from deflection.Breath deep and embrace the ugliness of the nightmare and you will relax into the nature of the dream!Breath deep and embrace the ugliness of Hell and you will relax into the nature of Heaven.

Do NOT drop your head.

Do NOT cave your chest.

Do NOT seek to protect your heart in vain.

Stand firm your ground.

Open wide your heart.

Let the foolish exhaust themselves in their spear throwing.

Let their spears find their targets, let the cutting edges do their damage.

There is nothing to fear, there is nothing to hide from, there is nothing to protect; breath deep and relax!

Breath deep and relax into the profound truth of deep insight;breath deep and relax into it’s vastly compassionate nature.

Compassion that is vast, like two arms, infinitely stretched out to hug the universe, with a heart of strength.

The Ferocious Joy of an Un-bound Heart.

The Ferocious Joy of an Un-protected Heart.

The Ferocious Joy of a vulnerable Heart.

The Ferocious Joy of a naked Heart.

Oh how I want you to have this!

Oh how I want you to soar with the joy of a Ferociously Happy Heart!

Om Mani Padme Hum,

Lama Jigme Gyatso: Rime Manipa Tantrika

P.S.Whether you use the name:Kwan Yin, Kuan Yin, Quan Yin,Avalokiteshvara, Chenrezig or the Great Compassionate One;the Buddha of Compassion is always there for you.

The Baby Shower of the Year. . .

Jared, Johnny (Mr. host) and Nathan taking a break outside from the twenty screaming kids inside. My sweet "Susie" might of had one too many. That is me and my friend "Mariela" at the top.. BTW that is grapejuice in my glass:)

Well, as you can see it was a bashment (big party as we say in Jamaica). The babyshower of the year. I will say I do not think Jared and I have ever had the normal girly, corny baby games kind of showers. I can't stand the idea of being with 50 women for three hours, I cannot stand the baby shower games, and I hate the opening of gifts in front of a whole room of people staring at you, especially if you might not like the gift and you have to put on your best performance. None of that at this baby shower. Our last baby shower they made me wear the silly hat w/ the ribbons on it and open gifts in front of everyone, which really pissed me off. My auntie made me do it and I could not refuse since it was held at her house.

Well, this time it was held at our house and my friend "Frederick" hosted it for me. It was laid back and chill, excpet for the twenty screaming kids running around the house. That part was a challenge I must say. Normally when I am not pregnant I can handle it, but this time.... WOW! That is all I have to say... WOW!!!

Besides the kids it went really well. It was nice to see every one and have a reason to get together. We are all so busy with our every day lives that we never get to hang out unless it is some kind of function. Over all it was great. The best part of the night is when my hubby did his little speech. Since his brother's wedding he is so comfortable with speeches all of a sudden. I think it is very cute.

I just want to thank everyone again who helped with the shower and who attended. It was good times. Sorry to all the drunkards who I had to kick out after midnight, cut off from the bar, or charge for babysitting (just kidding).

Love you all and thanks again:)

Under the Weather . .

I am feeling a bit under the weather. This is the third time in two months I have caught the flu. You see when you are pregnant your immune system is at its lowest. I feel like my head is going to burst! We have our baby shower tomorrow and I do not have the energy to socialize, but I will put on my best acting ever because I will not disappoint our guests. Also, my friends, Fredrick and her husband Johnny has really put their time and energy into this shower. So I will be damned if I let a little flu stop this party..

Lata!!! Not much to say..

Happy Birthday !

Yes, it was my 33rd birthday yesterday. If you have noticed I have no problem announcing my age. With age comes wisdom and misery.

(This is a picture of Jared and I on our honeymoon. I forgot to take pics yesterday so this will do.)

Well, I started off my day getting pampered. I went to my hair salon and chopped off my hair. I don't know but when you are pregnant you just get so annoyed with your hair and everything else. After my stylist Ney dolled me up I went to get my nails done. Getting my nails done was not a nice experience. I mean the two women who did my mani/pedi hardly spoke english. They rushed me even after I told them I just want to relax and have my feet soak for a bit. They let my feet soak a minute longer, whoopee! One was doing my pedicure and the other my manicure, so I did not have a free hand to hold my magazine. I was pretty frustrated at this point. To make matters worse they are speaking a mile a minute in another language to each other. How rude is that? They were probably saying "Wow, she huge!" or "Let's over charge her and only do ten dolla job." Then finally the question came. The lady playing with my feet said, "What are you?" What kind of question is that? I know they don't speak english well but talk about being caught off guard. I said, "What do you mean?" They both said, "You look chinee, phillipino, Laosian, or something. We cannot figure it out." So, I told them "Chinese Jamaican". The lady dropped my foot, "no way! We never hear of that!" I was thinking " well lady now you have. Can you just do my pedi, please, I beg you! I came here to relax, not talk." Ok, I did not say that, but I think she got the hint and finished my massage and got me out of there quickly when I did not entertain their conversation. I will never go there again.

Then, I did my typical errands and picked son up. I was feeling a bit down because I missed my family and friends so badly, but when I picked up my son and saw that smile how could I be down. I just sat in my car for a minute and thought of how lucky I am and all the good things in my life. That made my day and all of the phone calls started flowing in from England, Jamaica, New York, Miami, SF, Trinidad and birthday greetings from Antigua. Wow, I am very loved I must say. My friends never forget and I felt so awful because I cannot remember a birthday to save my life.

Later on that evening my hubby came home and made my day even more special by taking me out to a great sushi restaurant. Jude was on his best behavior. The food was magnificent but pricey, the conversation was stimulating, and the love was unconditional. After dinner we were on our way home and my hubby wanted to stop and get a cake, ice cream, present and do the whole birthday thing, but I felt satisfied and I just wanted to go to sleep. Is that sad? No, I don't think it is. I just think when we get older we really realize what happiness is and what material isn't. I chose happiness:)

HOnesty is not the best policy!!!

Wow!!!!! If any of you have read my last blog remind never to write about politics again. A good friend of mine a.k.a Jon K always told me "Yanicke you are very opininated and you need to be honest and say what you feel in your blogs. Who cares if people get offended. You do not have to apologize." Why did I listen to my good friend Jonno. If you look back at my last blog at the remarks section it got way out of hand. A political debate that turned nasty. Yes, I will admit I called "Mr. Anonymous" an idiot, who ever he is. I was so heated with his comments. I just think it is crazy when people think the decisions George Bush has made is minor. So many people are dying and the country is in so much dept. I know everyone has thier own opinions, but I honestly do not think I have ever disliked some one as much as our president. Yes, I will say it. After reading my blog remarks over and over I realized yes I might have come across pretty harsh, but this "anonymous character" was insulting my intelligence and that is something I do not take so lightly.

Anyways, thanks JK I will never be honest again. I was totally honest and it turned into WWIII.

BTW Jon I heard you are going to Natick for turkey day. We really wish we could be there with you guys:)

Well, I am signing off to bed. Good night everyone.

REPUBLICANS, MOVE GET OUT THE WAY!! GET OUT THE WAY!!!

DEMOCRATS CELEBRATE VICTORY!!!!!!!

What a day! I think this was the best voting day in years. It frustrates me more than ever that I cannot vote. Yes, people the tree huggin' hippy is just a resident and not a citizen yet. I have filled out the application many times and have not sent it in, but I will. The fact that I have been missing out has been killing me.

I will tell you the real truth why I have not sent in my application for my citizenship. The government has been begging me to become a citizen from the days Clinton was in office and I should have done it then. They were not so strict back then on having dual citizenship. Well, from the information I have gathered I might have to give up my Jamaican citizenship which is very hard for me. I think there is a way you can have dual, but you have to visit Jamaica every six months I think. I don't know I will figure it out. Now back to politics.

It seems that this is the most popular televised voting day ever. Everyone has been following the elections all over the world. Bush is deeply unpopular in most countries. We all want to see the cowboy get impeached. Why don't we impeach his ass I say!!!

One opposition lawmaker, Hafiz Hussain Ahmed, said he welcomed the election result, but was hoping for more. Bush "deserves to be removed, put on trial and given a Saddam-like death sentence," he said. I totally agree with Mr. Ahmed! This war has effected the whole world. I know it all sounds so harsh, but I am really fed up of our president and I don't think it's fare for him to play GOD! more like DEVIL!

My concern for the democrats is how can we fix this? I actually feel sorry for them. I feel Americans are going to demand changes immediately. They are going to want to see the democratic party play god and do some obsurd miracle. It is not going to be so easy and I also don't even know if they can clean this shit up. What impact do you think the democrats will have in Iraq? Can they back out now? Bush really fucked things up!!!! We have more enemies than ever because of this idiot! I just hope the people of this country give the democrats a chance and know what they are faced with, not only the Iraq war, but also global trade. I am sure China is worried.

What about this Gates character? What is his story? I do not know much about him. I will have to do my research and see what he is about.

Ok I have to run. I need to get this house in order for father in law who will be in here in an hour. So lata ( lata means later in Jamaica)... I will leave you with these quotes:

from Paris to Pakistan, a repeated theme was hope that the Democratic takeover of the House and Senate would force Bush to adopt a more conciliatory approach to global crises, and teach a president many see as a "cowboy" a lesson in humility.

In an extraordinary joint statement, more than 200 Socialist members of the European Parliament hailed the American election results as "the beginning of the end of a six-year nightmare for the world."

To all mi yardie Jamaicans out there: Fire bun dem!

Can you say uncomfortable?

Well, I am 25 weeks and the days are flying by. I cannot wait for Feb 14th. I am pretty big and the discomfort is overwhelming. I can't touch my toes, or bend, or lie on my tummy, which I miss so much, but apart from that I must say I am finally starting to enjoy my pregnancy. I went to register at Lully Baby the other day and loved it. I forgot how much crap you need for a baby. We tossed all of Jude's baby stuff away when we moved from Florida. You see Jared calls me a pack rat, but if I would of saved all of that stuff we would not have to buy back everything. Thank god I put my foot down when it came to the crib. Talk about inflation, my gosh prices have sky rocketed on baby items. The prices on strollers, cribs, car seat have doubled. It is crazy!!! What ever I get for this baby I am definitely saving for the next one. Did I say next one? I could have never said that!!!

The ten things I hate about my pregnancy:

• The baby going under my ribs. It is not a pleasant feeling.
• moodiness
• severe back aches
• heart beating faster. I think I am going to have an heart attack.
• The weight
• acne city
• sweating!!!! Yeah! Sexy isn't it?
• lethargic
• flatulence-Let's be honest it happens all the time.. Poor Jared!
• Not being able to see my feet
• HUGE Tetas!!!
• No drinking :(
• No gym
• No Coffee
• Emotional wreck

The ten things I love about pregnancy:

• The pampering my hubby gives me:)
• The glow
• Feeling the baby move
• Being able to eat what ever you want and blame it on the pregnancy
• Jude experiencing this w/ us.
• My hair getting thicker
• Every one helping me
• Having an excuse not to scrub the bath tub
• Nesting
• Getting prepared for our son

SO, TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS OUT THERE THAT WANTS TO GET PREGNANT. READ THE PROS AND CONS FIRST..

I will say it is all worth it !!! Three more months to go. Yeah!

Happy Halloween 2006

Trick or treating on Halloween night in SeaCliff, San Francisco. This is the richest neighborhood in SF and it is the happening place for Halloween. Celebrities such as Robin Williams and Sharon Stone live in this posh little community over looking the Golden Gate bridge. You get the best candy too:)




Jude and his kindergarten class "Sunset Elem."


Matthew and Jude . . . .

















ANAKIN SKYWALKER, MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU . . .


I must say this was one of the best Halloweens. We met up with our friends and hit the town going from door to door with the kids. The costumes were quite unique and entertaining.
Here are the high points of our day and night:

• Dressing Jude up for his first school parade
• Being present for Jude's school parade thanks to my amazing husband
• Taking a long over due three hour nap with my son
• Celebrating Halloween night with good friends
• Great neighborhood w/beautiful houses
• Wicked candy
• Lots of action
• Getting glow sticks from Robin William's house . . . priceless

Now for the low points:

• Keeping track of all the kids
• Walking my pregnant butt all over town

Well, that sums it up. It was a good night..

Nathan "Raggedy boy" and Jared "The Roadie"..


Crazy Anna, Yanicke (the abused housewife), and Raggedy Ann - Susie.